The blogs that never were.

I suffer from blog guilt.  I look at my statistics and see that faithful readers have come to my site and have been turned away without fresh stories.   Not very many faithful readers mind you but some.    It isn’t that I wasn’t thinking about blogging.   It’s just that this week they all hit the trash can.   Here are the top five blog stories that aren’t going to happen this week.

#5:    Yes I really can cook.     My husband’s birthday was on Monday.   I successfully made an incredible green bean casserole.   I stole the recipe from a friend.   It involves cheese, butter, sour cream, more cheese and bacon.   I didn’t burn it.  People had seconds.   Really that’s all I had to say about it.   Not long enough for a blog.

#4.  My husband is amazing.    There is a fine line between a nice sentimental blog about your spouse and a blog that makes people feel queasy from too much gush.    I was having a hard time with the fine line so I hit delete.   He is amazing though.

#3.  I’m a crazy parent.   My kindergartener was assigned to the orange reading group.   I don’t know what this means.   Does orange mean she’s in the second highest group because orange is the second color in the rainbow?   Does orange mean she’s in the highest reading group because orange is so bright?   Does orange mean that she is in the lowest reading group because orange reminds me of clowns which she can be when she’s supposed to be paying attention?    I actually voiced some of these questions to my sister who happens to teach kindergarten.  She took a deep breath so she could avoid punching me and then told me I was one of the crazy parents and I needed to reevaluate.   Who wants to read a whole blog about that?

#2.   Its raining.  I like rain.   I already blogged about this last year.    Rain, Rain.      I need someone to tell me if people like to see old blogs reposted.    Or should I come up with something new to say?   I’m in a quagmire.

#1.  National Novel Writing Month  I have two friends who are writers by trade.  One is a newspaper columnist.  One is a novelist.   I think they are both incredible.   I briefly contemplated participating in this year’s National Novel Writing Month.  It’s in November.  You’re supposed to write a 50,000 word novel in just one month.  Last year there were over 200,000 participants and 50,000 people actually completed a novel in a month.  I’m so curious.    That’s how far I got on the blog.   Probably not a good sign for a full novel.

Whew.   I feel better.   Like I confessed and the guilt is gone.   Read on my readers.

 

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Kindergarten Registration

When I got dressed this morning I did the mascara and hair dryer thing, put on ironed pants and found matching socks.    I was determined to make a good impression.   It’s a big day.  Kindergarten Registration.       

My husband had me hyped up.  It’s imperative that our little one attends afternoon Kindergarten.   Morning Kindergarten really is not going to work at our house.  I recognize that only buys us a year but we’re both perfectly willing to procrastinate the whole bedtime and early morning process as long as possible.   

The packet I had to fill out to register my child to go to school was daunting, six pages plus backup documents.   It also raised a lot of questions I’d never really considered.    Do I care if the military has access to my child’s data?   Visions of the child soldiers in South America flickered through my head.    Can someone explain this to me?     

When I got to the school it became obvious that I am in over my head.   There were lines painted on the road and the sidewalk and I’m not sure what they all meant.  Am I supposed to stay to the right or the left?   Are some of these for traffic and some for hopscotch?  Apparently you can also only enter and exit in  certain places.  Sigh.  Hopefully they send a handbook.   

I got a dirty look from the cross walk leader when I jaywalked in the parking lot.  My kindergartener was not with me.  I’ll have to practice before fall.

The children were already lined up outside the school waiting for the first bell.  They looked cold.    My heart skipped a beat.

I found the school office by following some other panicked looking parents.   I was the third parent to arrive.    Third place is okay right?   

I handed over my packet and received more paperwork to fill out.    They handed me a clipboard with a pen tied to it with string.  I leaned over to fill the rest out and promptly got the pen and string stuck in my hair.  Not exactly the impression I was trying to make.    

When I was finished, I quietly asked with trepidation “Can we request afternoon kindergarten? Please?”    The secretary looked at me like I”m sure she looks at all nervous parents and she said almost sternly “I’ll try but I make no promises”.

And then she winked.

And I breathed again.